I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
