I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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