Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
