I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
