She's JV to your varsity
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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