the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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