so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
