we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
