Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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