So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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