Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize