If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
