Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
