I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize