Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
