Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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