The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
