did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
