we made out on top of his cat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
