He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
