Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
