I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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