She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
