I didn't shave. On purpose
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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