Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
