kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We need a shit load of segways right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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