I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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