Fuck appropriateness.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
