please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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