and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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