Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize