I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
