Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
