I don't usually arrange sex via text message
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize