Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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