i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dick has a subreddit
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
