Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
