I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
