Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
