Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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