booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
