she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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