This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
