My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
