brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize