I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
id be glad to
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
