bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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