im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
