You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
