It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this boner is exhausting
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
