The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
