listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
