I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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