i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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