I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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