Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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