Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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