I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
