You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize