hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
