hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
