Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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