did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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