I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dicks are not precious.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
