Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
