She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
