so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
